Tony's been asked to be a groomsman, for a couple's wedding. Let's just call the couple "Brad and Belinda". Obviously Brad has asked him to be groomsman, but he actually knows Belinda better;  She is from his small group at church.

The reason it's a dilemma for Tony, is because he's concerned about the marriage. Belinda's a Christian; her fiancé Brad, is not. He's worried that they're not on the same wavelength or headed in the same direction spiritually. He was particularly concerned when Blinda moved in with brad but never felt it was his place to challenge her, because he's not in any position of authority in her life, and their friendship isn't really close enough.

So, Tony is stuck. If he does be their groomsman, he feels he'll be supporting and condoning a marriage that could be problematic for Belinda spiritually.

Yet, if he says no to the opportunity, his friendship with Brad & Belinda could be lost altogether, and he could lose his chance to be a positive Christian influence in their lives. Tony's been one of Brad's first and only contacts with Christian things, so he feels a responsibility to maintain the friendship and continue to be that point of connection.

What should he do?  Let's give him some second opinions.

• Should he say no and explain why? Can you say no to being a groomsman, and still maintain the friendship? Or is that a friendship breaker?

• Or, should he go ahead with it?

• Despite Tony's concerns about the relationship, he's thinking that maybe it's a good thing that they are finally making their relationship official.

• And just because he's being groomsman, does that necessarily mean he's  condoning the spiritual direction of this couple?

• If he does say yes, should he keep his feelings quiet, or still have a talk with them... "This is how I feel but I want you to know I'm still your friend and am there for you"
 
• What's more important - maintaining your moral stance, or maintaining the friendship?

EXPERT ADVICE - BARRY CHANT, SENIOR MINISTER OF WESLEY INTERNATIONAL CONGREGATION

The Bible, in Hebrews 10.24, says "Stir up one another to love and good works". Tony should speak to his friends ... not just by quoting the bible, but by gently suggesting, "have you thought about situations that might arise due to not being spiritually on the same track? Eg what might happen in a crisis - one will want to pray, the other won't. How you approach raising children? How will you be able to honestly follow God's call on your life if your husband does not believe? Have you thought about things like what you do on your weekend? One will want to go to church while the other might want to go fishing.." Encourage them to consider the consequences.

However, it's no problem to be the groomsmen. It's ok to go ahead and do that in support as a friend. But you do need to raise these issues so at least they have heard your heart and have been encouraged by someone to think about these things. They may not listen to your advice, but at least they cannot say later, when problems arise, that "no-one told us". Maintain the friendship and be a Christian support to them whatever happens.