Joanne is facing a tough situation: She’s discovered that her husband has a serious gambling addiction. It came to her attention a couple of years ago when she began noticing money missing from the bank account. As things progressed she realised that her husband had problems with many different forms of gambling.
Joanne’s done everything she can to try and help. She’s organised counselling; She’s spoken to close friends who have also tried to talk sense to him; She’s even bailed him out at times, paying some of the debts with her own income. But still he doesn’t stop.
She’s not sure how much money has gone down the drain but she estimates that it’s in the tens of thousands. It’s seriously affecting the marriage – Joanne’s struggling emotionally and is just at the end of her tether. She is starting to feel that she’s powerless to make a difference. What can she do?
Let’s give Joanne some second opinions.
• Have you had a family member with gambling addiction? How did you cope?
• Anything that was helpful in keeping a sense of normality in your own life?
• Anything you did or said that made that person want to change their ways, and helped them see the effects of their problem?
• Was there anything you tried that turned out to be UNhelpful?
Our Second Opinion expert tonight is Gerard Byrne, manager of the Salvation Army’s Recovery Services… He’s had 20 years experience in the area of gambling counselling and other addictions… he gave the following advice:
* Take charge of their finances if possible - and if they will allow - to keep the person accountable.
* But don't try and take control of their life. It doesn't work and only causes problems in the relationship.
* Don't bail them out of their debts: "Turn the money off".
* Find someone to talk to so you don't feel alone - a friend or a counsellor.
* If you feel angry with the person, take care in how you respond but don't feel bad about feeling angry - it's a natural response.
* Get financial counselling yourself to make sure you are protected financially.
